scaremonger | 01 - forward dated to post-event

[ VOICE ]

So basically. I'm in jail.

[ Caliborn lets a long silence pan out, intending it to hammer in the sheer injustice of it all. He is also obviously walking around, the dull sound of his metal leg against the floor ringing clearly. ]

All of my preparation. All of my work and devotion. And most of all. My self attained freedom. Is sooo totally gone now. Because some slippery bitch picked me up. Like. "Hey, Cal! You've been kind of evil. So come to prison." I mean, duh? Evil is my bag. But this Admiral Shitface did it when I was in critical fucking mission mode. It's like. No wonder he's not showing his face. He should be ashamed. For ruining my glorious self-suicide godhood ascension scenario.

[ His previously just indignant tone hits a lower note of blind fury, and the sound of him pacing around gets louder as he stomps. ]

And also taking away what rightfully belonged to me. I earned all of that freedom.

[ He reaches out and kicks a chair, which rolls and hits the far wall of his cabin forcefully. ]

More than any of you. I deserve that.

[ He swings out and there's a loud clamor as the chair hits the wall again, possibly snapping. Which is completely what actually happened. ]

Some worthless mother fucker is going to like. Wheel over here. "But what about meeeee." Or maybe. "Stop whining!" Or even. "I want to get punched in the face. And every tooth in my jaw. Shattered." Which is basically. Implicit in every single response. That isn't wholehearted agreement? But. To that bullshit, I say. Were you chained up most your life?? Stuck in a room with a shit tier sister who color coded things for you??? No? Then. You can't say anything.

[ There's a long wordless silence as he shuffles around, as much as stomping is shuffling. He huffs and the device gets picked up. A moment of hesitation is followed by him throwing it against the far wall with all his might.

It's muffled, but he shouts across the room at the dumb thing. ]

I'm going to throw a tantrum. AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

[ SPAM ]

[ And then, not too long after the post goes up, Caliborn will be found wandering the deck. He's come up with the intention of ignoring people who don't talk to him, but it's likely that his short attention span will be scooped up by some interesting looking passerby.

Before that, though... he's definitely up to no good, either by attempting to fuck up the rose gardens in some creative way when he thinks no one is looking or staring vacantly overboard where he's thrown a wooden chair.

Space is pretty hypnotic. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Some of the allusions in that rant are... familiar. Weirdly so. Dirk is still reeling from coming back from that breach, but he is too curious to let this slip by. ]

Tantrum away, bro. It won't help.

[ Caliborn has no idea this is Dirk, so he responds like he's a complete stranger. ]

THERE IS BASICALLY NO CHANCE OF IT NOT HELPING. IF NOTHING ELSE. IT WILL GET RID OF MY ANGRY EMOTIONS. SO THAT I CAN WORK ON GETTING OUT OF HERE. AND GO BACK TO WORKING TOWARD FUCKING SHIT UP ON A COSMIC SCALE. LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO.

[ Oh god it is him, isn't it. ]

You do realize you're here precisely because of your plans to fuck shit up on a cosmic scale, right? Even you couldn't have missed the point that badly. Come on.

I HAVEN'T MISSED THE POINT. IT WANTS TO LIKE. UGH. "REFORM" ME. OR SOME SHIT? LIKE THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.

BUT IT'S BASICALLY JUST AN ANNOYING PIT STOP. ON MY ROAD TRIP OF UTTER ANNIHILATION. AND I WANT TO GO. BUT THIS BITCH IS BUYING SOME SNACKS. AND THE LINE IS A MILE LONG. SO I HAVE TO WAIT. AND WAIT. AND WAIT.

FUCK WAITING.

Normally this is the part where I'd say "Fine, if you want to stage a jailbreak then be my guest," since I'm not a big fan of this place either. But I just spent several days as a psycho robo-cultist with no memory of my actual life or personality thanks to some other dude's ill-fated attempt at busting out. I'm not too eager to repeat the experience. So sit the fuck down and think about things before you jump into action with guns a-blazing.

HAA HAA HAA. SUCKS TO BE YOU DUDE! BUT. SPEAKING AS A CULT LEADER. CULTISTS ARE BASICALLY. INVALUABLE. SO THINK OF IT THAT WAY. YOU WERE FINALLY BEING USEFUL. FOR MAYBE THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE?

UNLESS YOU'RE A CLOWN WHO DOESN'T DIE. IN WHICH CASE. THE ABOVE ONLY APPLIES TO YOUR ABILITY. TO PUKE UP KEYS. BUT I DIGRESS.

WHAT IF I JUST CUT A HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SHIP. AND MADE IT SINK.

[ Wow did you really say that because Dirk was actually thinking that and he wasn't too thrilled about it. Thanks, Cal. ]

Even if you could do that, it's actually more of a spaceship. We're moving between dimensions or something.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS. THAT DIMENSIONS ARE ALMOST MY THING. IN THAT. TIME IS MY THING. AND ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS. ARE KIND OF LIKE TIMELINES.

I'LL SINK THE SHIP. KILL EVERYONE. AND COME OUT A WINNER. IN THIS PRISON BULLSHIT GAME.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME.

Man, whatever. You can try.

How about you tell me your name first?

NO. I ASKED FIRST FUCKER.

TELL ME YOUR NAME.

Nah.

[ He's only now vaguely reminded of someone, but he has absolutely no idea who it might be without thinking hard. Someone frustrating obviously. Whose typing fits the pattern???? It's either Jane or Dirk because the other two don't know how to use words as well. And he doubts Gamzee would actively disobey him. That goes for his legion of loyal plush minions too. The process of elimination makes his reply come ten minutes later. ]

DO YOU HAVE PAUNCHY POCKETS.

[ He's PRETTY sure it's Dirk, but if he can get a dig in on Jane, he's gonna do it. ]

[ Dirk's response comes five minutes later, as he tries to figure out WTF kind of question that even is. ]

Yes. You got me. I'm Kathy the Kangaroo, here to sing songs consisting of monosyllabic lyrics that teach important lessons to good little boys and girls.

Edited 2014-03-17 03:12 (UTC)

[ Ummmm. ]

WHAT THE FUCK IS A KANGAROO.

I never told you about kangaroos? What was I thinking?

NO. LOOK. WHAT I MEANT WAS. DO YOU HAVE A "PLUSH RUMP". AS YOU ARE SO FOND OF CALLING THEM. I WAS BEING MEAN ABOUT THE CROCKER BITCH.

BUT I KNOW IT'S YOU STRIDER. YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT.

[ Eyeroll. Not that Caliborn can see. ]

Because I was trying so hard to hide my identity.

Guess I really shouldn't be too surprised the admiral picked your ass up.

YOU WERE COMPLETELY HIDING YOUR IDENTITY. YOU LIKE. REFUSED TO TELL ME YOUR NAME AND EVERYTHING DUDE!

BUT YEAH. I MEAN. I DID A BUNCH OF TERRIBLE SHIT. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. I'M ALMOST INSULTED. THAT THEY DIDN'T THINK TO GRAB ME EARLIER?

BUT YOU. THE WORST THING YOU EVER DID. WAS GET COZY WITH NUMBSKULL SWAGJACKER MC ENGLISH. AND ALSO BLOW ME WHEN I WAS TRYING TO TALK TO YOU YEARS AGO.

FUCKING CRIMINAL.

What's that last thing you said I did?

[ He just Does Not Get the terrible phrasing. ]

JUST FUCKING READ IT AGAIN.

SCROLL UP YOU LAZY FUCK.

Right.

Anyway, enjoy your temper tantrum. Break some shit.

NO! WAIT.

WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME. OR SOMETHING. YOU COULD SHOW ME AROUND.

... YES!! THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO. YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME A GODDAMN TOUR.

No I'm not.

01 - forward dated to post-event

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