scaremonger

[ VIDEO ]

[ And here's Caliborn today, addressing the network with a video post. It is pointed at him in true myspace fashion. Those angles flatter EVERYONE, ok, even if you're an angry green skull monster.

He really doesn't look pleased though, and his vaguely British androgynous whiny voice reflects that as well. ]

Everyone's making annoying icky gross posts. All sentimental and shit. Like. Who cares man. No one does. Fuck your emotional shit.

Let's talk about something cool instead.

I had an idea. A GREAT idea. And. It starts like. "Do you want to play a game". Yeah?? You do? Great. You don't? Fuck your shit. We're doing this my way. We're playing a game. Whether you like it or not.

The twist, though. That's the fun part. For me. And also for you. Which makes it an especially shitty twist. Because. Only the bad guy-- ME-- is supposed to benefit?? Wow. Who saw that dilemma coming. I sure didn't!

I am so fucking bored here. There's only so much crappy self-insert fanfic you can read. In a single day. Or week. Or lifetime. So. We're going to play a game of your choosing. Teach me some cool games. All of you preferably. And we're going to play that shit. Spin that record babe? You dig.

Bring your board game of choice. Or cards. Or something that doesn't suck. But tryyyy not to bring something obvious. Like. Connect Four. Or fucking Snakes and Ladders. ESPECIALLY not chess. Checkers would be alright though.

[ Totally derailed himself tho. He'd honestly be fine with any game, he just wants to try NEW whacky and weird shit from other worlds. ]

Bring that to me in the DINING ROOM!

[ SPAM ]

[ And this asshole will be found at one of the big ass tables in the dining hall for most of today. He's probably eating something disgusting and entirely raw, or maybe chowing down on sugary delights. Either way, he's waiting around for someone to show up.

Even if you're here for entirely unrelated reasons, he'll probably wave you down. Provided you're alone, anyways. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Connect Four is an obvious game?

Also I would sort of hesitate in calling you a 'bad guy'. Unless you're identifying as one on your own time.

I am completely a bad guy. 100% confirmed. For. Fucking terrible?

Connect Four IS an obvious game. And I have played virtual versions. Against strangers in the past over the internet. Way too many times. So I want a fresh new game. Maybe even. With that refreshing new plastic smell. Yes, that would be OPTIMAL.

[ He pauses though, and in a tone that is significantly less enthused, Caliborn adds: ]

But if all you have is Connect Four. I can deal with that.

I only have the games I played when I was younger. Which mostly consisted of marbles and sticks we pretended were guns. Playtime wasn't usually a...thing.

There's a pool table.

[ Hmmmm. Caliborn considers making some dumb comment about getting real guns and how his totally served him well in childhood but then there's a MUCH more important question waiting to be asked. So he asks it. ]

What's a pool table. I guess it's a game?? But. What game. How do you play it.

You've never played pool before?

It is a game. A game you can play by yourself or with another person.

Do you happen to like math at all?

Never played it. Never even. Heard of it. So. You should teach me to play this "pool". What's it played with. Where's the table. Why does it need a special table.

[ He's trying not to ask even MORE questions simply because he wants to not completely steamroll the question. Basic """politeness""" to get what he wants, IE an actual game of pool. ]

Math, though. I don't know?? I never had to do math at home.

It needs a special table because....

It's probably easier to show you.

And pool is. You win by playing angles. And understanding math when it comes into play in a game. It's. Simple enough to pick up. I'd be happy to teach you.

Okay. Well. Noted?

Where should I meet you. So that you can take me to the pool table bro.

What floor is your room on?

[ As if he's telling him where he sleeps. ]

I'm in the dining hall right now.

Then I'll meet you in the dining hall and walk you down.

My name is Ned.

OK. I'll see you there, then. Ned.

[ And he'll cut the feed to wait there, leaning his elbows on the table he's sat at. ]

[In his own quiet way, the Piemaker arrives; a mild-mannered and seemingly innocuous human, accompanied by a golden retriever trotting by his side]

You're the person who wanted to learn how to play pool?

I'm sorry. I don't know what your name is.

Yes. I am the POOL BOY. Take me to the pool. Little human.

[ He's going to dodge giving Ned his name for however long, though. Just to be a thorn in Ned's side. ]

It's Ned. Actually.

And this is Digby. [A gesture to the golden retriever. The Piemaker does not seem overtly concerned with not being given a name, and so begins to shuffle out of the dining room, hands in his pockets]

You've. Been on the Barge for a while?

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